Sex Positions Women Want More

                  Part of a healthy relationship is a healthy sexual relationship.  This means opening up about your sexual desires, trusting your partner, feeling safe, and trying new things.  It can be easy, especially in long term relationships to stick to what works, especially in the bedroom.  But the old and tried methods are just that, old and tried.  You may think she is only interested in missionary, but if you are bored of it then chances are she is too.  And what’s the point of sex if one, or both partners are being left unsatisfied, or bored?  A boring sex life can lead to other, more stressful relationship issues.  To reinvigorate the relationship and the sexual connection within a partnership sometimes taking a little risk and being adventurous can really pay off.  Not sure where to start? Here are some positions to try that you may not know your lady is craving:

1. The ‘Face-Off’ Position:

You sits on a chair or the edge of the bed, while she faces you seated on your lap.  This position is sure to turn her on because she is in total control of the pace and depth of the sex.  This also gives you the intimacy of being able to look at one another and touch her, all over.

2. The ‘G-Whiz’ Position:

 This position works by the woman lying on her back with her legs resting on each of his shoulders.  Having the legs raised narrows the vagina, and makes it easier for you to hit her G-Spot, making for an extra stimulation position for both of you.

3. The ‘Upstanding Citizen’ Position:

Not for the weak in the knees, this position required you to stand and support you lady with your arms while she straddles you and wraps her legs around your body.  This position showcases a man’s strength and is sure to fulfill any woman’s fantasies.

4. The ‘Flatiron’ Position:  

This position can be thought of as a sort of reverse missionary.  Both you and your partner lie face down (she is on the bottom) with legs straight and hips slightly raised to fit snuggly into each other.  The benefit is a narrower fit, where you definitely feel like the king of your castle.

5. The ‘Stand and Deliver’ Position:

This position requires both of you to be standing, with your partner facing away from you.  The key to this is having your lady bed at the waist.  Bending at the waist tightens her vaginal walls and increases the intensity of the friction, creating extra pleasure. 

Delayed Ejaculation

As many as 50 million men in the US and Europe suffer from erectile dysfunction.  Most men who report erectile dysfunction are referring to the classic definition of impotence, or the inability to get or keep an erection firm enough for sexual intercourse.  This definition, however, is not inclusive of the variation of erectile dysfunction that exists.  Aside from the inability to get or maintain an erection, premature ejaculation and delayed ejaculation are also possible forms of erectile dysfunction.

Delayed ejaculation is a sexual dysfunction condition where it takes a man a prolonged period of sexual stimulation in order to ejaculate.  This condition usually means that a man needs more than 30 minutes of sexual stimulation to reach climax.  Some men with this condition are unable to ejaculate at all.  This is not necessarily a condition that affects men chronically, although it can.  Most men who experience delayed, or impaired ejaculation, only experience it occasionally.  This can occur only in specific situations or with certain partners.

There are plenty of risk factors for erectile dysfunction, like lifestyle habits like smoking, drug/medication use, nicotine and alcohol use.  For others mental health, neurological, or neurophysiological disorders are the problem. These include depression, stress, stroke, spinal cord injury, multiple sclerosis, dementia, or neurologic disease. In a smaller subset of men hormonal abnormalities, or depleted testosterone levels are the cause. 

For delayed ejaculation, the cause might be a worsening health issue like diabetes or heart disease.  Here is a list of some common physical causes of the sexual impairment:

·       damage to the pelvic nerves

·       heart disease

·       infections, especially prostate or urinary tract infections

·       neuropathy or stroke

·       low thyroid hormone

·       low testosterone

Lifestyle habits like drug use is definitely linked to delayed ejaculation as well.  For example, habitual cocaine use may make you less able to finish what you start. Chronic cocaine use can impair sexual function in men by causing delayed or impaired ejaculation.  Furthermore, cocaine is a vasoconstrictor, meaning that it causes blood vessels to constrict, and blood vessels in the penis need to be dilated in order for an erection to occur.

If you have had a traumatic experience related to sex, then the anxiety or stress that comes from this negative perception of sex can result in delayed ejaculation.  Furthermore, like other types of sexual dysfunction, stress within a relationship, feelings of anger, or sexual disappointment can also result in delayed ejaculation.  Unfortunately the condition itself can cause anxiety and depression, resulting in worsening symptoms.

Navigating Premature Ejaculation

Premature ejaculation is one of the most common sexual problem facing men under 40.  It is estimated that one third of American men suffer from premature ejaculation, which according to the medical definition is a recurrent pattern of ejaculation that occurs within one minute of vaginal sex.  There are a wide array of causes, and premature ejaculation doesn't necessarily come from a physical insufficiency as some men might think.  There are physical factors of course, such as penile hypersensitivity, medication side effects, low levels of serotonin, and nerve conditions. But emotional causes like performance anxiety, guilt, relationship issues, and substance abuse can also play a major role.

Treatments for premature ejaculation vary in their effectiveness for sufferers. As mentioned, there are both physical and emotional causes of this condition, and as such a significant amount of cases can be helped through simple changes or therapies.  These therapies focus primarily on improving muscle tone, encouraging meditation, and the use small tricks to delay ejaculation. Let’s take a look at some common therapeutic methods for premature ejaculation:

Kegel Exercises:  These pelvic strengthening exercises can help control ejaculation, because Kegels strengthen what is known as the pubococcygeus muscle.  The pubococcygeus muscle is responsible for tightening the pelvic muscle that stops and starts urine flow.  As urine flow and ejaculation are both occurring through the urethra, clenching and control of this muscle can help with climax control.

The Stop-and-Start Method / Squeeze Method: Starting sexual activity and then stopping before orgasm can help extend the time it takes to ejaculation.  The act of building up and the taking a break and relaxing, then starting over can help avoid premature ejaculation and extend the overall sexual experienced with your partner.  The squeeze method is similar, in that a man gets aroused to the point of climax, but stops immediately before ejaculation. Pressure is put on the frenulum, squeezing the penis, until the feeling of ejaculation diminishes.

Benzocaine Condoms/ Promescent: Benzocaine condoms or climax-control condoms are on the market for the specific reason to delay ejaculation.   These condoms have benzocaine, a mild anesthetic, in the tip.  What this does is create a numbing effect to decrease the intense sensation of sex, and make controlling climax more manageable. Similarly, Promescent is a topical medication recently approved by the FDA to treat premature ejaculation.   It is applied to the penis up to 10 minutes before sex, and like the benzocaine condoms, desensitizes the penis.  Promescent is absorbed through the skin, where the nerve endings that control ejaculation are located.

Deep Meditative breathing: Breathing deeply is one of the simplest forms of meditative practice.  The sheer act of deep breathing can help control arousal, and sexual tension that will lead to an early climax.  Alternatively, shallow and short breathing (the kind that sounds like rigorous exercise) can increase the heart rate.  For some men this increase in heart rate can trigger climax and ejaculation.  Long, deep breaths and slowing down the heart rate can be beneficial in extending the length of time between start and finish. 

Tips to Increase Sex Drive and Have Better Sex

 

1.     Stop Smoking:

a.     Smoking can cause blood vessels to narrow, which can have a detrimental effect on blood flow to sex organs.

b.      Smoking also diminishes your stamina, limiting the amount of rigorous activity one can handle.

2.     Lose Weight:

a.     Being overweight can impact sexual desire, sex drive and performance. 

b.     This is because being overweight can reduce blood flow and lower testosterone levels.

c.     High cholesterol and type 2 diabetes, can both can cause penile arteries to shut down when arteries get clogged with fat deposits. 

d.     Erectile dysfunction leads to decreased sexual desire and libido.

3.     Hit the Gym:

a.     Moderate regular exercise has been shown to help improve blood flow to the sexual organs. 

b.     Exercises focused on thighs, buttocks and pelvis are especially good for genital circulation. 

4.     Try some sex drive boosting foods:

a.     Foods like those high in zinc, like oysters, can increase sperm production and testosterone.  (the hormone responsible for sex drive)

b.      Other foods like, flaxseeds, sardines, and nuts help to increase testosterone production and increase libido because they are high in essential fatty acids.

5.     Give herbal supplements a try

a.     Herbal remedies like tea or supplements can have a positive effect on sexual desire and even orgasm.

b.      Try ginko biloba derivatives a try, known to improve circulation and enhancing sex.

New Sex Position to Try

It is easy to be well-versed in the health benefits of sex.  We’ve written about them is past articles, but in case you forgot then here they are:

·       Counts as exercise

·       Lowers risk of heart disease

·       Boosts immune system

·       Brightens up complexion

·       Relieves stress

·       Promotes better sleep

·       Lowers blood pressure

·       Increases mental clarity

That being said, sex is also meant to be fun.  Sometimes a couple’s sex life can get boring.  Like anything in life it can become more routine than fun.  Trying something new, whether a change of scenery or some added foreplay can be enough to add some excitement to your sex life.   Missionary position can become trite, so we compiled a list of positions to try (maybe, even tonight!):

1.     Reverse Missionary:  Missionary is a go-to position for many couples.  To try something slightly different than the traditional, switch up who is on top.  Having you lady on top can add a new perspective to an old position.

 2.     Spooning: Being able to hold your partner while having sex can add new depths to your relationship and increase intimacy in a very sexy way.  This position is usually very comfortable for both parties involved.

 3.     Make sex vertical: Literally, just stand up!  You can use a wall, counter or chair for assistance and support, but make any move you would have done laying down and flip it vertically.  This is the perfect opportunity to show off the gains you’ve made at the gym, as it can be a real workout.

4.     Use your diagonals: Sometimes all you need is a little angle to your missionary.  Try arranging yourself in a 45 degree angle on top of your partner to change the feeling of missionary and for some added sexual stimulation.

5.     The Lap Dance: This position is great because you don’t need to be in bed, a couch or recliner works just fine.  The male partner sits up-right while the woman straddles him.  This allows close face to face contact for intimacy as well the freedom to touch each other all over.  While she is on top you can let your hands roam freely on her back, sides or behind you for body support. 

6.     The Pretzel:  Not for the stiff jointed, straddle your woman's leg (similar to a scissor) while her other leg is on your side.  This allows for deep penetration that may be more comfortable for your partner because she is lying down.  It also allows your hands the freedom to play with her clitoris for extra stimulation.

7.     Reverse Cowgirl:  A favorite among males, this position allows a man to lay down flat while the female straddles his hips in reverse.  That is, your partner should be facing away from you.  This allows a man to relax and let her do most of the work.  Less effort and a new point of view makes it easy to see why it’s a favorite.

8.     Downward Dog:  A favorite for yogis, take this upside-down ‘V’ to the bedroom.  Align yourself with her body’s angles from behind, holding yourself up with your arms in pushup position to control the distance from the bed.   You can get creative with variations of this position, like open or closed legs, or placing a pillow under her stomach for added height and support.  You can figure out what feels best in this deep penetration position. 

9.     The Anvil:  Another missionary variation, this positon requires your lady to lay on her back while you are on top of her.  The variation is for her to put both of her legs on your shoulders. For all the geometry geeks out there, you should be forming a 90 degree angle.  This allows for deep penetration, more balance, and some hands free sex. 

10.  Counter Position:  As simple as it sounds. Find the nearest counter top and lift and lift your partner up on top of it, allowing her legs to straddle your hips. This position is good for quickies as well spontaneous sexual acts which get the hormones pumping. 

Tough Talk you need to have with your partner

No one wants to get hit with the “we need to talk”.  Especially in a relationship, this usually spells trouble.  But even if the lead in isn’t so dramatic, lots of couples have a hard time expressing their feelings, opening up, or communicating vulnerabilities properly or at all.  It’s hard to get the words right when you are bringing up tough topics and many times it can seem like there is never a good time to open up and discuss something.  What kind of things are we talking about here? Well here are some tough topics that might be tough to tackle but necessary in a healthy partnership

1.     Sexual issues

2.     Mental Illness

3.     Unresolved Traumas

4.     Genetic Risk for Disease

5.     Addiction

6.     Infertility

All of the above topics affect you and your partner, as much as you might think that it only affects you.  If you are having sexual issues within your relationship, not talking about it means there is no way to make it better.  Even if it can be awkward, communicating the problem is the only way to try to resolve it.  As far as medical issues like infertility, genetic risk for disease, and mental illness go – these things affect you and your partner as a couple and your future.  Not talking about it is not helping but hurting your relationship as it does not provide the opportunity to problem solve or make a plan for the future.  Additionally, you need to allow that person the opportunity to help you and be support for the burdens you feel that you are carrying. Addiction can also work much the same way, in that a partner typically suspects there is some time underlying issue, but until you accept and open up to the assistance they are likely to offer you, they can do nothing except be a spectator in your life. 

Many people have had unresolved trauma in their lives, and dredging up the past can be extremely painful and not necessarily something they want to do.  Within a relationship however, these secrets can alter the way you treat your partner.  That is you may hold onto trust issues, or easily anger over something miniscule or become overly emotional at something your partner does not view as problematic.  Sharing these stories can help your partner understand you and your experience better and help them to be more considerate in the future with you.   Without communication about these hot button topics, growth becomes impossible, as does true happiness.  Just make sure you are clear with what you want to say, you pick the right time, you stay positive, and communicate from a place of reason and not emotion.

Fight the Post-Sex Blues

According to a new study published in the journal Sexual Medicine has reported that a whopping 46 percent of young women (of 200 surveyed) experience post-coital dysphoria, or the post-sex blues.  Post-coital dysphoria is the feeling of melancholy, anxiety, agitation or aggression after sex.  This post-sex sadness can last from five minutes up to two hours after sex, and for some brings on very strong feelings of depression and anxiety.

So why does this specific type of depression happen in almost half of young women?  When we have sex, we expect to be physically exhausted, relaxed and mentally at ease.  But for many, that’s clearly not the case.  Although there is little research as to why this happens, here is what scientist think might be going on.  Depression after consensual sexual activity can happen because something is missing or lacking from the relationship.  Sex is associated with love, caring, partnership among two people and physical desire.  If the right combination of all these things is not there then post-sex depression might ensue.  That means feeling depressed or regretful about the sexual experience you just had.  Some doctors have called it “buyer’s remorse” but for sex.  Having sex can also dredge up other unrelated issues within ones relationship and life.

One way to avoid these feelings is to choose the right partner who is understanding of your mental, physical and emotional needs. You should also be in tune with yourself and any body image of self-esteem issues you may have.  These are issues you may want to talk to a professional about before getting involved sexually with someone. Aside from this, what else can you do to fight this feeling of post-sex blues? If you are feeling depressed after sex but can figure out why, fight it with food!

Certain foods have been scientifically proven to reduce anxiety and boost you mood, so why not try them to see if they can reduce those unwanted post sex feelings.  Here are some of the top recommended foods to combat this feeling:

1.     Pumpkin seeds: Rich in the amino acid tryptophan which helps your brain produce serotonin (your feel good hormone)

2.     Apples: Rich in antioxidants and phytoestrogens, which have been found to increase sexual pleasure

3.     Green Tea: Catechins in green tea increase blood flow and boost the libido

4.     Red Wine: Boosts sex drive and promotes relaxation

5.     Red Meat: rich in iron that can help fight fatigue, making sex more fun

6.     Spinach: rich in magnesium, that decreased inflammation in blood vessels and increases blood flow throughout the body

7.     Dark Chocolate: increases mood-boosting serotonin hormone and lowers stress levels

8.     Red Bell Peppers: high in vitamin C and vitamin A, have been shown to increase sex drive and decrease depression

9.     Salmon: High in omega-3’s which fight inflammation and reduce risk of depression

10.  Black eyed Peas: rich in folate, which has been shown to reduce depression

What's Porn Got To Do With It?

The topic of many a relationship therapy session has surely been porn.  More specifically, how porn may be ruining relationships. Historically, psychological studies have pointed towards porn as a cause of addiction, and also of erectile dysfunction or performance issues during physical encounters with a partner. Similarly, many clinicians claim that watching porn desensitizes the “watcher”, making normal sexual situations fall flat when it comes to getting excited.Investigators of this study, however, say that according to their findings, porn is not the problem.  In fact, watching porn regularly actually increased arousal in study participants.

A new study out of UCLA and Concordia University, tested the relationship between watching porn and erectile function.  This is the first study to analyze this relationship directly, not just draw conclusions regarding the “evils” of film erotica.  Research illustrated that watching sexual films is not likely to cause issues with erectile function, in fact and may even help sexual arousal. The study published online in the journal Sexual Medicine, gives stock to the claim that porn is not all bad.  The study investigators say that this is important because “because clinicians often claim that men get desensitized by watching these films”, and they want to put this myth to rest.  Interestingly, the study found that there is no relationship between watching porn and erectile dysfunction in men who are actively having sex. 

This study illustrates the need to treat sexual dysfunction in men with the ammunition afforded to us as clinicians.  Rather than point to porn as the cause of bedroom issues, finding out the true reason for the dysfunction will aid in its treatment. 

Erectile dysfunction is most likely caused by issues such as performance anxiety, poor heart health, or side-effects from drug use.  There are many treatments from psychotherapy to medications to pumps to surgical implants that can help bridge the gap in the bedroom, without using porn as a scapegoat.