Best Sex Toys for Men

Sex toys have often been associated with solo play, or masturbation, when a partner is not available for one reason or another. But for many couples where one partner owns a sex toy, it has become commonplace for those sex toys to find their way into the bedroom and into the sexual interaction. Many find toys as a new and exciting sexual adventure with their partners, and a way to keep things interesting. To be sure there are a great many items on the market these days, and not just for women. Here are some ideas (mostly for him), for toys to add some spice to your sex life whether with a partner or alone.

1. A pulsator: it's called a pulsatior because this toy goes back and forth, instead of side to side. So technically speaking, it's not actually a vibrator. This unique back and forth motion means it mimics the sensation of sex, similar to thrusting.
2. Remote controlled vibrations: if you've ever asked the question, then someone has surely answered with "there's an app for that!"  The same holds true with sex toys. One of how latest trends in sexual pleasure is called “teledildonics”. This is a group of electronic sex toys that can be controlled by phone, and work in conjunction with an app that can be used to control the vibrator from across the room or across the world. This is something great for keeping connected as a long-distance couple, but of course can be used alone.
3. Penile stimulator: this toy typically looks like a vacuum cleaner (sorry, but it does), but stimulates the often ignored glands of the penis.  The toy fits snugly over just the head of the penis and vibrates in adjustable patterns and speeds.  It can be used as a tool in masturbation or with a partner during non-penetrative sex, for a new kind of hand job.
4. Glass Dildo: this toy is intended for rectal use and made from high quality, handmade glass. Because it is glass, it can be used with any type of lubricant, allowing for a lot of variation. An added benefit of a glass dildo is the option for temperature play. It can be put in warm water for a warming sensation, or in the fridge for a cooler sensation.
5. Stainless steel dildo: Similar to a glass dildo, stainless steel is perfect for temperature play.  It can be used vaginally or anally, and either partner can derive pleasure from its use.
6. G-Spot stimulator : Perfect for couples who have trouble finding or stimulating the g-spot. This can help men and women experience more intense sexual sensations and open themselves to sexual exploration.  Just to note, there are male and female specific g-spot stimulators that are designed for the curves of each.
7. Vibrating Rings: Vibrating penile rings are a pretty run of the mill, grab bag type of sex toy.  But that doesn’t mean it can't  be fun.  It is best to find something that is silicon, durable and stays in place.  Some more advanced models offer different levels of intensity and patterns. This toy is great for couples play, as it can be worn around the penis or used for clitoral stimulation.

Navigating Premature Ejaculation

Premature ejaculation is one of the most common sexual problem facing men under 40.  It is estimated that one third of American men suffer from premature ejaculation, which according to the medical definition is a recurrent pattern of ejaculation that occurs within one minute of vaginal sex.  There are a wide array of causes, and premature ejaculation doesn't necessarily come from a physical insufficiency as some men might think.  There are physical factors of course, such as penile hypersensitivity, medication side effects, low levels of serotonin, and nerve conditions. But emotional causes like performance anxiety, guilt, relationship issues, and substance abuse can also play a major role.

Treatments for premature ejaculation vary in their effectiveness for sufferers. As mentioned, there are both physical and emotional causes of this condition, and as such a significant amount of cases can be helped through simple changes or therapies.  These therapies focus primarily on improving muscle tone, encouraging meditation, and the use small tricks to delay ejaculation. Let’s take a look at some common therapeutic methods for premature ejaculation:

Kegel Exercises:  These pelvic strengthening exercises can help control ejaculation, because Kegels strengthen what is known as the pubococcygeus muscle.  The pubococcygeus muscle is responsible for tightening the pelvic muscle that stops and starts urine flow.  As urine flow and ejaculation are both occurring through the urethra, clenching and control of this muscle can help with climax control.

The Stop-and-Start Method / Squeeze Method: Starting sexual activity and then stopping before orgasm can help extend the time it takes to ejaculation.  The act of building up and the taking a break and relaxing, then starting over can help avoid premature ejaculation and extend the overall sexual experienced with your partner.  The squeeze method is similar, in that a man gets aroused to the point of climax, but stops immediately before ejaculation. Pressure is put on the frenulum, squeezing the penis, until the feeling of ejaculation diminishes.

Benzocaine Condoms/ Promescent: Benzocaine condoms or climax-control condoms are on the market for the specific reason to delay ejaculation.   These condoms have benzocaine, a mild anesthetic, in the tip.  What this does is create a numbing effect to decrease the intense sensation of sex, and make controlling climax more manageable. Similarly, Promescent is a topical medication recently approved by the FDA to treat premature ejaculation.   It is applied to the penis up to 10 minutes before sex, and like the benzocaine condoms, desensitizes the penis.  Promescent is absorbed through the skin, where the nerve endings that control ejaculation are located.

Deep Meditative breathing: Breathing deeply is one of the simplest forms of meditative practice.  The sheer act of deep breathing can help control arousal, and sexual tension that will lead to an early climax.  Alternatively, shallow and short breathing (the kind that sounds like rigorous exercise) can increase the heart rate.  For some men this increase in heart rate can trigger climax and ejaculation.  Long, deep breaths and slowing down the heart rate can be beneficial in extending the length of time between start and finish. 

Tough Talk you need to have with your partner

No one wants to get hit with the “we need to talk”.  Especially in a relationship, this usually spells trouble.  But even if the lead in isn’t so dramatic, lots of couples have a hard time expressing their feelings, opening up, or communicating vulnerabilities properly or at all.  It’s hard to get the words right when you are bringing up tough topics and many times it can seem like there is never a good time to open up and discuss something.  What kind of things are we talking about here? Well here are some tough topics that might be tough to tackle but necessary in a healthy partnership

1.     Sexual issues

2.     Mental Illness

3.     Unresolved Traumas

4.     Genetic Risk for Disease

5.     Addiction

6.     Infertility

All of the above topics affect you and your partner, as much as you might think that it only affects you.  If you are having sexual issues within your relationship, not talking about it means there is no way to make it better.  Even if it can be awkward, communicating the problem is the only way to try to resolve it.  As far as medical issues like infertility, genetic risk for disease, and mental illness go – these things affect you and your partner as a couple and your future.  Not talking about it is not helping but hurting your relationship as it does not provide the opportunity to problem solve or make a plan for the future.  Additionally, you need to allow that person the opportunity to help you and be support for the burdens you feel that you are carrying. Addiction can also work much the same way, in that a partner typically suspects there is some time underlying issue, but until you accept and open up to the assistance they are likely to offer you, they can do nothing except be a spectator in your life. 

Many people have had unresolved trauma in their lives, and dredging up the past can be extremely painful and not necessarily something they want to do.  Within a relationship however, these secrets can alter the way you treat your partner.  That is you may hold onto trust issues, or easily anger over something miniscule or become overly emotional at something your partner does not view as problematic.  Sharing these stories can help your partner understand you and your experience better and help them to be more considerate in the future with you.   Without communication about these hot button topics, growth becomes impossible, as does true happiness.  Just make sure you are clear with what you want to say, you pick the right time, you stay positive, and communicate from a place of reason and not emotion.