New Sex Position to Try

It is easy to be well-versed in the health benefits of sex.  We’ve written about them is past articles, but in case you forgot then here they are:

·       Counts as exercise

·       Lowers risk of heart disease

·       Boosts immune system

·       Brightens up complexion

·       Relieves stress

·       Promotes better sleep

·       Lowers blood pressure

·       Increases mental clarity

That being said, sex is also meant to be fun.  Sometimes a couple’s sex life can get boring.  Like anything in life it can become more routine than fun.  Trying something new, whether a change of scenery or some added foreplay can be enough to add some excitement to your sex life.   Missionary position can become trite, so we compiled a list of positions to try (maybe, even tonight!):

1.     Reverse Missionary:  Missionary is a go-to position for many couples.  To try something slightly different than the traditional, switch up who is on top.  Having you lady on top can add a new perspective to an old position.

 2.     Spooning: Being able to hold your partner while having sex can add new depths to your relationship and increase intimacy in a very sexy way.  This position is usually very comfortable for both parties involved.

 3.     Make sex vertical: Literally, just stand up!  You can use a wall, counter or chair for assistance and support, but make any move you would have done laying down and flip it vertically.  This is the perfect opportunity to show off the gains you’ve made at the gym, as it can be a real workout.

4.     Use your diagonals: Sometimes all you need is a little angle to your missionary.  Try arranging yourself in a 45 degree angle on top of your partner to change the feeling of missionary and for some added sexual stimulation.

5.     The Lap Dance: This position is great because you don’t need to be in bed, a couch or recliner works just fine.  The male partner sits up-right while the woman straddles him.  This allows close face to face contact for intimacy as well the freedom to touch each other all over.  While she is on top you can let your hands roam freely on her back, sides or behind you for body support. 

6.     The Pretzel:  Not for the stiff jointed, straddle your woman's leg (similar to a scissor) while her other leg is on your side.  This allows for deep penetration that may be more comfortable for your partner because she is lying down.  It also allows your hands the freedom to play with her clitoris for extra stimulation.

7.     Reverse Cowgirl:  A favorite among males, this position allows a man to lay down flat while the female straddles his hips in reverse.  That is, your partner should be facing away from you.  This allows a man to relax and let her do most of the work.  Less effort and a new point of view makes it easy to see why it’s a favorite.

8.     Downward Dog:  A favorite for yogis, take this upside-down ‘V’ to the bedroom.  Align yourself with her body’s angles from behind, holding yourself up with your arms in pushup position to control the distance from the bed.   You can get creative with variations of this position, like open or closed legs, or placing a pillow under her stomach for added height and support.  You can figure out what feels best in this deep penetration position. 

9.     The Anvil:  Another missionary variation, this positon requires your lady to lay on her back while you are on top of her.  The variation is for her to put both of her legs on your shoulders. For all the geometry geeks out there, you should be forming a 90 degree angle.  This allows for deep penetration, more balance, and some hands free sex. 

10.  Counter Position:  As simple as it sounds. Find the nearest counter top and lift and lift your partner up on top of it, allowing her legs to straddle your hips. This position is good for quickies as well spontaneous sexual acts which get the hormones pumping. 

Tough Talk you need to have with your partner

No one wants to get hit with the “we need to talk”.  Especially in a relationship, this usually spells trouble.  But even if the lead in isn’t so dramatic, lots of couples have a hard time expressing their feelings, opening up, or communicating vulnerabilities properly or at all.  It’s hard to get the words right when you are bringing up tough topics and many times it can seem like there is never a good time to open up and discuss something.  What kind of things are we talking about here? Well here are some tough topics that might be tough to tackle but necessary in a healthy partnership

1.     Sexual issues

2.     Mental Illness

3.     Unresolved Traumas

4.     Genetic Risk for Disease

5.     Addiction

6.     Infertility

All of the above topics affect you and your partner, as much as you might think that it only affects you.  If you are having sexual issues within your relationship, not talking about it means there is no way to make it better.  Even if it can be awkward, communicating the problem is the only way to try to resolve it.  As far as medical issues like infertility, genetic risk for disease, and mental illness go – these things affect you and your partner as a couple and your future.  Not talking about it is not helping but hurting your relationship as it does not provide the opportunity to problem solve or make a plan for the future.  Additionally, you need to allow that person the opportunity to help you and be support for the burdens you feel that you are carrying. Addiction can also work much the same way, in that a partner typically suspects there is some time underlying issue, but until you accept and open up to the assistance they are likely to offer you, they can do nothing except be a spectator in your life. 

Many people have had unresolved trauma in their lives, and dredging up the past can be extremely painful and not necessarily something they want to do.  Within a relationship however, these secrets can alter the way you treat your partner.  That is you may hold onto trust issues, or easily anger over something miniscule or become overly emotional at something your partner does not view as problematic.  Sharing these stories can help your partner understand you and your experience better and help them to be more considerate in the future with you.   Without communication about these hot button topics, growth becomes impossible, as does true happiness.  Just make sure you are clear with what you want to say, you pick the right time, you stay positive, and communicate from a place of reason and not emotion.

Fight the Post-Sex Blues

According to a new study published in the journal Sexual Medicine has reported that a whopping 46 percent of young women (of 200 surveyed) experience post-coital dysphoria, or the post-sex blues.  Post-coital dysphoria is the feeling of melancholy, anxiety, agitation or aggression after sex.  This post-sex sadness can last from five minutes up to two hours after sex, and for some brings on very strong feelings of depression and anxiety.

So why does this specific type of depression happen in almost half of young women?  When we have sex, we expect to be physically exhausted, relaxed and mentally at ease.  But for many, that’s clearly not the case.  Although there is little research as to why this happens, here is what scientist think might be going on.  Depression after consensual sexual activity can happen because something is missing or lacking from the relationship.  Sex is associated with love, caring, partnership among two people and physical desire.  If the right combination of all these things is not there then post-sex depression might ensue.  That means feeling depressed or regretful about the sexual experience you just had.  Some doctors have called it “buyer’s remorse” but for sex.  Having sex can also dredge up other unrelated issues within ones relationship and life.

One way to avoid these feelings is to choose the right partner who is understanding of your mental, physical and emotional needs. You should also be in tune with yourself and any body image of self-esteem issues you may have.  These are issues you may want to talk to a professional about before getting involved sexually with someone. Aside from this, what else can you do to fight this feeling of post-sex blues? If you are feeling depressed after sex but can figure out why, fight it with food!

Certain foods have been scientifically proven to reduce anxiety and boost you mood, so why not try them to see if they can reduce those unwanted post sex feelings.  Here are some of the top recommended foods to combat this feeling:

1.     Pumpkin seeds: Rich in the amino acid tryptophan which helps your brain produce serotonin (your feel good hormone)

2.     Apples: Rich in antioxidants and phytoestrogens, which have been found to increase sexual pleasure

3.     Green Tea: Catechins in green tea increase blood flow and boost the libido

4.     Red Wine: Boosts sex drive and promotes relaxation

5.     Red Meat: rich in iron that can help fight fatigue, making sex more fun

6.     Spinach: rich in magnesium, that decreased inflammation in blood vessels and increases blood flow throughout the body

7.     Dark Chocolate: increases mood-boosting serotonin hormone and lowers stress levels

8.     Red Bell Peppers: high in vitamin C and vitamin A, have been shown to increase sex drive and decrease depression

9.     Salmon: High in omega-3’s which fight inflammation and reduce risk of depression

10.  Black eyed Peas: rich in folate, which has been shown to reduce depression

What's Porn Got To Do With It?

The topic of many a relationship therapy session has surely been porn.  More specifically, how porn may be ruining relationships. Historically, psychological studies have pointed towards porn as a cause of addiction, and also of erectile dysfunction or performance issues during physical encounters with a partner. Similarly, many clinicians claim that watching porn desensitizes the “watcher”, making normal sexual situations fall flat when it comes to getting excited.Investigators of this study, however, say that according to their findings, porn is not the problem.  In fact, watching porn regularly actually increased arousal in study participants.

A new study out of UCLA and Concordia University, tested the relationship between watching porn and erectile function.  This is the first study to analyze this relationship directly, not just draw conclusions regarding the “evils” of film erotica.  Research illustrated that watching sexual films is not likely to cause issues with erectile function, in fact and may even help sexual arousal. The study published online in the journal Sexual Medicine, gives stock to the claim that porn is not all bad.  The study investigators say that this is important because “because clinicians often claim that men get desensitized by watching these films”, and they want to put this myth to rest.  Interestingly, the study found that there is no relationship between watching porn and erectile dysfunction in men who are actively having sex. 

This study illustrates the need to treat sexual dysfunction in men with the ammunition afforded to us as clinicians.  Rather than point to porn as the cause of bedroom issues, finding out the true reason for the dysfunction will aid in its treatment. 

Erectile dysfunction is most likely caused by issues such as performance anxiety, poor heart health, or side-effects from drug use.  There are many treatments from psychotherapy to medications to pumps to surgical implants that can help bridge the gap in the bedroom, without using porn as a scapegoat.

Spice Up Your Sex Life

There are tons of health benefits to sex.  It counts as exercise, it’s important for heart health, it boosts the immune system, relieves stress, and lowers blood pressure.  As important as sex is for the health benefits it provides, it is also important in building a strong, healthy relationship with your partner. One part of this healthy sex life, healthy relationship equation is keeping things fun and exciting in the bedroom.  This includes trying new things and not underestimating the power of foreplay to add some spice to your bedroom.

Sex is such a big part of a relationship because it forces a connection of mindfulness and is an act of being present with your partner.   This action of being both mentally and physically present helps to reduce stress in a similar way physical exercise does. According to some research, happiness occurs when you are fully engaged both mentally and physically in the experiences.  Alternatively, we reduce our levels of happiness when we are distracted by thoughts and doubts.  To add to this benefit of sex, orgasms can be considered the ultimate body high.  Besides the increase in blood flow and heart rate, sex floods the blood stream with hormones.  Hormones released through sex such as oxytocin and dehydroepiandrosterone, both act as stress reducing chemicals in the brain.  Both these hormones have been shown to reduce depression – and the happier you are the happier you can be together. 

Sometimes a couples sex life can get boring, like anything in life, if it becomes more routine than fun.  Adding a little spice in the mix can only help make everyone happier.  Here are some things to try to spice up your sex life:

·       Share your desires: a big part of sex is communication with your partner.  Sharing desires and trying new things with your partner can open up an entire new avenue of pleasure.   Building up the excitement of trying new things can be enough to keep things interesting.

·       Make eye contact:  taking a moment to look deeply into your partner’s eyes can have a huge impact on the relationship.  It is an exercise that builds trust and can help you remember why you are together in the first place.  Trust and eye contact facilitates openness and communication, which is what you want when having sex with your partner.

·       Speak up in sack: verbalizing what you want is the only way to get it.  Of course you can use physical cues as well, but part of staying happy in the bedroom is getting what you want.  Your partner may not realize certain things would fulfill you sexually if you never let him/her know.  There’s no harm in asking, right?

·       Try sex at different times of day: Sometimes all you need is a change of scenery to spice up your sex life.  All you need to do is try it in a different place or different time of day.  If you typically have sex before bed, why not try it in the morning?  If you are always having sex in the bedroom, try it somewhere else in the house.  Something this simple could be enough to keep things exciting.