How to recognize and revive loss of libido in men

For all of us at one time or another, it can be common to lose interest in sex as libido levels tend to vary during the course of our lives. Men, however, are usually seen as the initiators of sex in most relationships so when they become more passive and uninterested, women can tell right away something is not right. 

Loss of libido in men puts more strain on a marriage than just about any other sexual dysfunction. Around 31 percent of men and up to 43 percent of women will experience some sort of sexual problem with low sex drive being one of the trickier ones to solve. 

It’s difficult for most men to pinpoint when exactly the lack of interest in sex started.  It’s a gradual process that begins to become more noticeable when the loss of desire extends for several months or longer. 

Recognizing low libido

To assess and identify the signs of low libido, here are some early warning signs something is amiss:

·      The only time you touch your spouse is in the bedroom

·      The feeling of intimacy is not there when you do have sex

·      Your partner is always the one to initiate sex while you feel pressured

·      Sex is no longer eagerly anticipated

·      Sex has become mechanical and routine

·      Sexual thoughts and fantasies of your spouse are rare

·      Sex occurs only once or twice a month at most

Causes of lack of interest

Causes of low libido are composed of a range of physical, emotional, and medically related problems.  A man should consult with his physician when libido is waning to figure out what is the root of the problem.  Here are some possible reasons for a lack of libido:

·      Erectile dysfunction

·      Performance anxiety

·      Stress

·      Medical conditions

·      Serious illness such as cancer, heart disease, hypertension and diabetes

·      Chronic alcoholism

·      Depression

·      Thyroid disorders and tumors of the pituitary gland

·      Too much togetherness can stifle desire

·      Problems within the relationship over money, child raising, anger, disappointment

Reviving libido

Lighting a spark to rekindle libido may take time but it can be done. Frequency of sex is not the goal – instead place the focus and emphasis on quality with the return of feelings of anticipation, intimacy, and satisfaction.  Here are some ways to get that loving feeling once again:

·      Keep it real

Not every sexual encounter has to be perfect.  Learn to laugh and find humor in all situations, particularly in the bedroom.  Part of the fun of sex is being able to be silly and fun-loving with your spouse where all pressure is off and where each partner is being mutually satisfied.

·      Use your brain

An active imagination is a valuable gift for helping sparks to fly in the bedroom.  Fantasies are considered a good thing by most marriage therapists as long as both spouses are agreeable to it.  Each partner sharing their desires can stoke the fire of libido keeping the flames burning brightly.

·      Build anticipation throughout the day

Spontaneous sex is great but with jobs, children and household duties getting in the way, it’s not always very practical.  But what can be practical is the build-up of anticipation to sex later that night.  Start off with a little longer than usual good-bye kiss in the morning, send a sexy text message partway through the day, come home with a bottle of wine, play your favorite music and by the time you both jump into bed, sexual tension will be palpable.

·      Keep physically active

Getting and staying in good physical condition is not only beneficial for our bodies physically but also mentally and emotionally.  Exercise is a must for relieving stress, burning extra calories and building muscle.  When you look and feel good you have more vitality and confidence.  Your physical confidence will result in sexual confidence. 

·      Have a good social network

Social network is not referring to online social media.  In this case, social network means where you actually get together with friends for dinner or drinks, attend a sporting event or the theater.  This helps you see one another in a different social environment where you can admire each other in how you interact with other people.  This can be a reminder of why you fell in love with each other in the first place. 

·      Seek professional help

If the return of libido is just not there, it’s time for outside professional help.  Sex and marital specialists are trained for this sort of issue and can be a lifesaver when action in the bedroom is missing.  Always rule out first any medical condition that a doctor or urologist can diagnosis and treat that may be the underlying problem.