What to do when he’s not in the mood for sex

We all know the familiar saying, “Not tonight dear, I have a headache.”  Those infamous words are usually spoken by the woman in a relationship but what if the tables are turned around?  What if it is the man who is saying that phrase putting an unexpected spin on a strained love life?

Most of us know and think of men as being the aggressor in regards to sex in a relationship.  Men are the ones who tend to initiate lovemaking having a strong desire for sexual interludes several times a week. But what if a man suddenly and unexpectedly loses interest and is no longer the one pursuing sex.  How does a woman respond and handle the situation of dealing with a man who appears not to be interested in something he usually looks forward to.  Does she blame herself or is there more going on underneath her husband’s exterior than meets the eye?

Reasons why men may lose interest in sex

When a man has lost interest in sex, women may take it on personally as an insult or a reflection on her actions or attractiveness.  But more often than not, the problem of why a man has a lack of desire is not her. It’s usually a problem he is dealing with that has nothing to do with sex to begin with.  Here are some reasons why a man may find his libido waning:

·      He’s depressed

One of the biggest killers of sex drive in men is depression.  It is common for a man struggling with feelings of despair or worthlessness to find their interest in sex dropping off dramatically. 

What to do:

If a man is showing signs of depression, this is a physical illness and not a character weakness.  The solution is to find effective treatment, whether it is seeking help from a mental health counselor or anti-depressants or a combination of both.  The sooner it is diagnosed, discovered and treated, the sooner his sexual desires come back.

·      He has erectile dysfunction

Many men at some point in their lives will deal with erectile dysfunction.  The embarrassment of not being able to perform may keep some men from making sexual advances fearful to disappoint a woman or think he’s less of a man.

What to do:

Face the problem head on.  Be open and honest about what is happening and then seek out treatment by visiting a urologist to figure out how to correct it.  There are many reasons for erectile dysfunction and several medications that can help.  Most of all, both the man and woman need to be patient showing each other that no matter what, you both still have strong interests in one another.

·      He’s feeling stressed and exhausted

Stress stems from all kinds of sources but for men it often revolves around his work.  Job changes or loss and financial worries can add up to a low desire for sex.  Putting in extra hours at work can take a physical toll so that all he wants to do in bed is go to sleep.

What to do:

A man’s sexual performance is tied to his ego and when he is under stress, it will often suffer.  Women should be very understanding and supportive during this time.  Make him still feel special and loved without any demands.  Time usually will take care of him feeling less stressed but if he is showing signs of depression, seek out professional help.

·      He feels a strain on the relationship

Any feelings of anger, resentment, or a general dissatisfaction with a relationship can shut down a man’s sex life very quickly.  If a couple is arguing or having frequent marital spats, this puts undue strain on their sexual connection. Like the saying goes, what happens outside the bedroom will affect what happens inside the bedroom.

What to do:

Work on working out your differences figuring out how to resolve the issues within your relationship.  Sit down and have an honest discussion of what the problem(s) is and come to a mutual agreement on how to make it better.  If the relationship continues to suffer, seek professional help to sort out what needs to change to repair your connection leading to a more satisfied sex life.