Secrets of what men really want in the bedroom

Women may have the misperception that men are relatively simple creatures. As long as they are fed and watered – and oh yes, get sex – they are generally happy.  But, believe it or not, men are really rather complex especially when it comes to sex.  Women may think they understand a man’s wants and needs in the bedroom but in reality, they may totally miss the target.  Bedroom performance is a big deal to men and sometimes women lose sight of what he is asking for and why.   

We’ve been procreating and having sex for a long, long time.  Yet, why is it there is still a continual mystery and misunderstanding between men and women when it comes to one of life’s most basic needs?  Why is it women sometimes misinterprets what a man is asking for in the bedroom without taking it personal? 

This ongoing battle of what do men really want when it comes to sex has a lot to do with becoming more insightful and sensitive to the needs of men.  We are not like animals only pawing at you for a quickie.  We want and crave your love, we want a relationship bringing us closer together and we want for you to see how sex is integral in making those connections happen.

This is why if women knew what it is men wish they knew about sex, our sex life together could become pure bliss each and every time.  Here are the things we want women to be perceptive about and responsive towards helping us make our sex life fantastic and how that makes both of us happier in and out of the bedroom:

·      Men have many erogenous zones

It’s not all about our penis.  Yes, we like to have it touched, caressed and so forth but we do have quite a few other areas of our body that likes attention too.  We love to have our chest or back rubbed, a light touch to our inner thighs, or even running your fingers through our hair or over our bald head can feel exceptionally sexy.  Handling our testicles firmly but gently is a real turn-on and stimulating the perineum, the area between the scrotum and anus, will send us into pure pleasure.

·      We love it when you’re vocal in bed

Talk to me – dirty, sexy, praising, or giving me instructions – we find it very erotic and affirming when a woman is verbal in bed. It’s always nice to hear you say what feels good, what turns you on, moaning is always nice, or what fantasies you may have.  We want to know what you are thinking as it makes us feel virile and stimulated.  But being critical of us does not help.  Instead of pointing out what we are doing wrong, try to say something like, “I love it when you do X to me.”  We’ll respond right away and no feelings get hurt.

·      Sometimes we just want to ravish you

There will be times when romance goes out the window.  In other words, sometimes we just like to have raw, “let’s do it now” sex. It doesn’t mean I don’t crave intimacy because most of the time I do, but as a man, it is fun and it makes me feel powerful but in a good way.  Don’t take it personal but if you allow me to on occasion, ravish you just for the sake of sex, we’d have a smile on our face the rest of the day.

·      We love to share our fantasies and wish you would too

I know sharing fantasies with one another takes some getting used to for many couples and it requires a great deal of trust in one another.  But if you would let me indulge in my fantasies without judgment realizing that is all it is, a fantasy and nothing more.  I’m committed to you but when I want to share a fantasy, I’m revealing a part of me that no one else is hearing.  I also want to hear your fantasies.  I know most women are uncomfortable doing that but if we both promise not to judge  or make the other person feel shameful, this opens up a whole new world of making our sex life soar. 

·      We see sex as a way to celebrate life

Men are often accused of always being on the sexual prowl or never getting enough of it.  We wish women would view sex like we do – a way to enjoy the present, a way to make the most of a day.  As a man, we are hard-wired to work at breakneck speed – we take on challenges and demands that take up our time robbing us of feeling good about life.  This is why having sex fulfills that joy and pleasure we all need.  We want sex to be a priority in our life and it helps if you are on board with that notion too. At least give sex credit for providing health benefits – orgasms release oxytocin which brings couples closer together, it alleviates stress and anxiety, it floods our body with the “feel-good” hormones called endorphins and it can reduce blood pressure and heart disease. 

·      We crave praise

Just like women, men like compliments.  We need some praise every now and then to give us sexual confidence and to know you notice us and desire us.  Simple praise such as telling us how sexy we look, or how in shape we are (if this is not the case, give us praise in a different way), tell us what a great lover we are (even if we need some work).  Praise goes a long ways to connecting us together and that’s really what men want – an intimate connection between us that only we share together.