Keeping sexual passion alive as you age

Aging means different things for different people. Some people define being “old” as the number of candles on a birthday cake or the number of aches and pains they feel each day. But another definition could relate to sexual desire or lack thereof. Intimacy with a loved one is timeless. Intimacy includes sexuality and our sexual health is important no matter how long we live.

There is no doubt as the years go by, sexual health can look quite a bit different for various reasons. If these reasons are not anticipated or addressed, keeping the sexual flames burning bright can fizzle quite quickly.

There’s no better time than now to review the sexual side of your relationship with your partner. Is it changing in a good way or is it showing signs of lackluster passion and frequency? Let’s look at ways to discover how sexual health is likely to change with age and how partners can adapt in a positive way:

·      Safe sex

Growing older usually brings a sense of settling down. If you’re in a mutually monogamous relationship, you likely have the belief that your risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) is low to nil. And it could very well be. However, people of all ages should always practice safe sex.  Especially so of anyone having sex with a new or different partner should always use a condom. Also talk with your doctor on how to protect yourself and others from STIs.

For those in long-term mutually monogamous relationships, as long as you’ve both tested negative for STIs, your chances of contracting an infection is very low and won’t need to worry about protection. Women, who have not yet completed a full year of having no menstrual cycles or menopause, can still become pregnant. Any sexually active woman, who is premenopausal and has no desire to become pregnant, should use birth control consistently until after menopause.

·      Communicate with one another

Couples with the most satisfying sex life are those who regularly communicate their feelings and needs. Talking with your partner, helping them understand what you want from them, is key to stoking the flame of sexual desire. Sharing your thoughts on lovemaking, can be a catalyst for arousing intimacy leading to sexual satisfaction long term.

·      Changes in men’s sexual health

For men, testosterone is the hormone regulating a healthy sex drive with a far-reaching and powerful effect on a man’s body.  Testosterone levels in men peak during their adolescence and early adulthood, however beginning around age 30, those levels begin to decline by about 1 percent per year.

One of the most significant and first signs of low testosterone is a reduced interest in sex.  Some men may chalk it up to getting older as it can be common for sex drive to decline with age.  But men with low testosterone will usually have a noticeable drop in their desire for sex.

Becoming aroused for sex can take longer in older men. Part of this may result from plaque buildup in arteries and veins leading to less blood flow to the penis but also from low testosterone leading to low sexual desire.  Erectile dysfunction may become more common – achieving an erection may take longer and erections may not be firm enough for intercourse. 

Men experiencing issues with sexuality should discuss this with their doctor. There are several medications available to help men with both low testosterone and erectile dysfunction.  

·      Changes in women’s sexual health

As women approach menopause, estrogen levels drop which can lead to vaginal dryness and slower sexual arousal. Women may find emotional changes leading to stress or anxiety can result in low libido. However, for some women, sex can be more enjoyable without the worry of pregnancy while for other women, bodily changes in their shape and size may reduce their desire for sex.

A thorough discussion with their doctor recommending various medications to practicing Kegel exercises maintaining pelvic floor muscle strength, helping women regain an active and enjoyable sex life.

·      When desire for sex differs

Differences in sexual desire are quite common among couples. It’s not unusual for one partner to always be the initiator while the other avoids it. Often, it goes back to lack of communication and talking about each other’s sexual needs. Simply stating your feelings using “I” statements, such as “I think this would feel better…” can lead to improved desire and arousal for both partners. When couples understand each other’s needs and desires, it makes it easier to discover ways accommodating those needs.

·      Chronic pain

Aging can bring chronic pain negatively affecting sex. Many healthy conditions such as arthritis, back pain, and shingles can interfere with sex by causing pain making sex uncomfortable. Pain can also alter mood, sleep habits, and attitudes. Experimenting with different sexual positions and techniques can help along with talking with your doctor on managing pain.

·      Incontinence

A common condition few older individuals discuss is incontinence or the loss of bladder control causing urine leakage. Leakage is more likely to happen during exercise, laughing, coughing, and sex. Certain sexual positions put more pressure on the bladder leading to urine leakage putting a damper on sexual desire. By controlling incontinence through medical or behavioral approaches, the chance of leakage during sex can be greatly reduced.

·      Medications

People age 65 and older make up 12 percent of the U.S. population, but account for 34 percent of all prescription medication use and 30 percent of all over-the-counter medication use.  While most of these medications are necessary, some may interfere with sex. Some blood pressure medicines, antidepressants, and diabetes drugs can make it more difficult for men to maintain an erection and can also reduce sexual desire. Check with your doctor if there are alternative medications without these sexual side effects. 

In conclusion 

Aging can and does bring sexual changes.  But it doesn’t have to. Anyone dissatisfied with these changes should speak with their doctor. Change in medications, managing health conditions, making healthy lifestyle changes and treatment of sexual problems are good steps that can help. If you stay silent, nothing will change and your sex life can come to an abrupt stop. But by seeking help, you can save your sexual desire and activity for many years in the future.

David B. Samadi, MD, Urologic Oncology Expert and Robotic Surgeon located at 485 Madison Avenue on the 21st floor, New York, NY – 212-365-5000.  Follow Dr. Samadi at www.samadimd.com,  www.prostatecancer911.com, and www.roboticoncology.com.