How to reboot your sex life in a long-term relationship

An established, loving relationship with a long-term partner is not to be taken for granted.  In order for sexual relationships to work need constant stoking and attention to keep the fires of desire burning. 

But occasionally, the bond you share may need new spark or a reboot to restart what was once a fiery, red-hot sex life.  When at one time you couldn’t keep your hands off of each other, lately sexual desire for one another may have fizzled.   It may have nothing to do with loving them any less or wanting out of the relationship, but rather that you’ve likely hit a sexual rut. 

How would you know and what does a sexual rut look like?  Common signs could be the following:

·      Sex has become routine

·      Sex is barely happening if at all

·      Only one partner is initiating sex and there’s a good chance they are being rejected – regularly

·      Desire for each other has dwindled – you no longer see each other sexually

·      Intimate touches are infrequent – hand holding, kissing longer than a peck, has stopped

·      You both no longer care about your appearance

In the beginning of almost all relationships, desire and passion for each other are at their highest.  It’s when a couple becomes comfortable being around one another, sharing life’s ups and downs, that sometimes their sex life takes a nose dive. 

Good sex in a relationship doesn’t just happen.  Good sex requires a healthy relationship between a couple who understand that their love life takes time and energy to stay vibrant, active, and passionate. 

There are several ways any couple can rekindle an infrequent love life.  By being open with one another and expressing your desires, this can be the first step in reawakening a loving relationship that still smolders:

·      Do something new together – Try out a new adventure and it doesn’t have to be anything sexual.  It could be going to a new restaurant, taking a cooking or exercise class together, or for the really adventurous, go skydiving or parasailing.  Anything both of you find exciting and novel can be like pushing the restart button on a lackluster relationship.

·      Become more intimate – Once again, this does not necessarily have to lead to sex but if it does, that’s even better.  Simply sitting next to each other touching, kissing, or cuddling are all important ways to stay connected building a healthy relationship.

·      Make an effort to be seductive – Do something unpredictable.  When one partner makes the effort to be erotic, this can be a turn on leading to a revival of sexual feelings you both once had.

·      Set the mood – In long-term relationships, life gets busy.  Going from washing the dishes to making out with your partner can feel strange.  This is why easing from daily life to couple time can help create opportunities or intimacy to happen.  Having a glass of wine together at the end of the day, taking a walk together after dinner or giving each other a back rub while watching TV can set the mood. 

·      Turn off your devices – Try one night a week without technology.  No TV, laptops, cell phones allowed.  This provides ample time for each other to communicate and really connect.  It’s important to take a break from screen time of checking emails and social media. This sets one night a week as your together time and time for being a couple.

·      Have fun together – Sex does not have to be perfect to be erotic or intimate.  Putting unnecessary pressure on your self will only result in frustration or disappointment.  Instead, enjoy the moments spent with each other and be open to trying out something new such as a new position, location, or outfit.  Many couples in long-term relationships will state that the best sex tends to happen after the age of 40.  You know your body, you know your partner and you can stop worrying about your looks so much and get on with what really matters to each of you.