5 things that could sink your sex life

Life has a way – sometimes – of getting in the way of good sex.  Daily, all of us have various events or situations that innocently can make your love life go into a tailspin if you’re not paying attention.  Our bodies sexual functioning may be operating just fine with normal hormone levels and the ability to become sexually aroused.  But there is one very important organ nowhere near our genitals considered the most valuable sex organ we have – our brain.  The well-known saying “The brain is the body’s most important sex organ” is very true and if your mind is somewhere else when your partner is in the mood, the chance of a romantic interlude most likely will fizzle.

Here are 5 circumstances that can spoil a good sex life if you let it:

1.     Relationship conflicts

Name any relationship issue and the probability of ruining a good thing is bound to happen.  Conflicts that may have nothing to do with sex are often the root of why there is a sexual problem – childrearing or financial issues, disagreements on little things like housework or what to do on a weekend can put a strain on a couple’s relationship which reflects what happens or doesn’t in the bedroom.

How to resolve this:

Sit down and talk about what is bothering one another and work on resolving the conflict.  Each person needs to give a little and come up with a mutually agreed upon solution.

2.     Stress and lifestyle changes

Any couple will tell you major stress or changes in their lives are often sex spoilers.  The problem with stress is that is occurs every day, sometimes in small amounts but sometimes in much greater, unexpected ways.  Stress and lifestyle changes can mean anything from caring for small children to elderly parents, a major health scare, financial worries, career changes or moving to a new part of the country.  These major transitions can prevent you and your partner from nurturing your relationship both sexually and in other ways.

How to resolve this:

Realize stress will happen.  Take a deep breath when something major happens out of the blue and learn to lean on each other during these stressful times.  Be kind to one another, offering support and love to get through tough times.  Go to bed at the same time giving each other a back rub or massage to show each other you care and are there for one another.

3.     Self-esteem and body image

Both men and women can be negatively affected by their looks and how they feel about themselves.  Weight gain, thinning hair, or fatigue can squelch feeling sexy putting a damper on wanting to be close and intimate thus inhibiting a person from initiating or responding to sexual advances.

How to resolve this:

If feelings of worthlessness or negativity are hurting your sex life, it may be time for professional help.  Seek out a psychologist or sex therapist who can work with a couple to figure out how to regain dignity and self-worth bringing your love life alive again.  Having an understanding partner who makes their spouse feel valued for who they are and not for their looks, can be a precious commodity in a relationship.

4.     Performance anxiety

Worries about sexual performance can quickly put out the flames for romance.  What often drives performance anxiety for men is concerns with erectile dysfunction while for women dissatisfaction with her body. 

How to resolve this:

Again, partners who show understanding demonstrating empathy and compassion can be just the thing to make the other in the relationship relax over their concerns but to also seek help for performance issues that can be taken care of.  As an example, men experiencing erectile dysfunction should inquire with their physician on how to resolve it.

5.     Past experiences

You wouldn’t think things from the past would affect your sex life but they can.  Your upbringing, culture, religious background, past relationships all can shape your attitudes toward sex.  Depending on what happened in your past can reflect on how much you will enjoy sex or how it could completely complicate your relationship.

How to resolve this:

If a person has had a relatively uneventful life upbringing and sex life is great, good for them.  If that is not the case, then professional help may be necessary.  Any past trauma or major upheaval can affect a person’s entire approach to life, including their sex life.  The sooner help is found the sooner this vital aspect of one’s relationship can be patched leading to satisfying and pleasurable intimacy.