Has your sex life gotten a little boring or stale?  Is it always the same routine with little variation or imagination hardly ever used?  Maybe as a man, you’re constantly concerned with your performance, worried about your physique or riddled with anxiety.  If you ask her, “Was it good for you?” and she always answers “yes,” does she really mean it?

These are worries many men face when it comes to their sex life.  Men may seem to have it altogether, knowing exactly how to please a woman but that is not always the case.  Their minds may be preoccupied with thoughts of sex throughout the day but those thoughts often are cloaked in shrouds of self-doubt, fear of rejection, or hampered by apprehension. 

Any man who has ever had these feelings is not alone.  Many men do and so do women, but the good news is great sex is in the eye of the beholder.  Being a great lover means different things to different people and as long as a man is open to working on and making a few tweaks in technique, men can be the Casanova of their bedroom pleasing not only his partner but himself as well.

Here are 5 great sex secrets men need to know to make this happen:

1.  Be verbal

Women may say they like the strong, silent types but don’t believe them.  They also really like men who communicate and open up with their thoughts and feelings.  Use your mouth not only for soft kisses and other oral stimulation but also for divulging what turns you on and always ask her what she likes. By trusting each other enough for complete openness, your sexual relationship will soar to new heights making it much more erotic and pleasurable. Also many women love the sound of a man’s voice and are quite responsive to it during sex.  A man’s verbal acuity can be a powerful part of his sexual skill. So, talk, get to know one another and see for yourself how it can bring you closer together.

2.  Never compare your sex life to porn

Face it, men will watch porn at some point in their lives.  A lot of what some men have learned about sex is from watching pornography.  This can be a problem though as individuals portrayed in such films are often flawless and well-endowed making a guy feel completely insecure.  This is why engaging in frequent bouts of watching pornography can be destructive to a relationship in the long run.  It does not represent reality and it perpetuates the myth that a man or woman can ‘turn on’ in seconds.  The thing to remember is its entertainment and is no different than watching a car chase in an action movie – it’s exciting and invigorating but we wouldn’t drive like that.  Besides, nothing can quite beat real-life lovemaking.

3.  Keep focused on pleasurable moments

One of the best perks of sex is its ability to relive stress. Of course the end game of sex is to have it culminate in an earthshattering orgasm but pay close attention to the pleasurable sensations along the path of reaching that pinnacle.  Quiet your mind and focus on how your lover’s hands feel on your body as they caress it.  Gaze into one another’s eyes as she strokes your hair.  Be present in the moment as that is when great sex begins.  Quit focusing on reaching climax and instead relax in the pure pleasure of passion as it is happening letting all stress flow from your body.    

4.  Focus less on your endowment

Does size really matter?  Maybe but sexual technique and skill of lovemaking tend to trump size in the end.  Rather focus on foreplay.  Concentrate on kissing, caressing, tasting, and whispering sounds of joy to really set the tone of sexual pleasure at hand.  This way the saying “It’s not the size of the wand but rather the magic of the magician,” makes all the difference in taking sex from good to great.

5.  Plan for sex

This may sound totally unromantic but it can be a great way to improve your sex life and to satisfy a woman.  Scheduling in sex can actually make sex more relaxing. Setting aside time or arranging opportunities for sex is very important, especially for busy couples or those with children.  Don’t let the frequency of sex dwindle due to fatigue or the inability to find the “right time.”  Otherwise if you don’t take time to make the time, your sex life may become extinct.