Successfully stop complaining in 6 easy steps

For some, a day’s worth of complaints starts the moment their feet hit the floor after getting out of bed – their neck hurts from sleeping wrong, the sun isn’t shining, someone left the cap off the toothpaste and it’s dried up, so and so forgot to plug in the coffeepot….and so the day begins.

Anyone living with a habitual complainer (or if it’s you) are not alone.  Americans are good at finding things to complain about and like to share their thoughts with others.  While sometimes it feels good to be in a banter with another fellow complainer (especially if you both agree on what the topic is), after a while it can begin to feel wrong.  Complaining incessantly can rub not only other people the wrong way, but those who are the complainer may start to see that constant negativity can be very wearying on the mind and even body.  Pessimism can aggravate not only your thoughts and actions but also physically exacerbate chronic health problems like diabetes or asthma.

If complaining has turned into an unpleasant and unwelcome habit for you or someone close, the world may no longer feel safe or welcoming.  A persona of doom and gloom may follow you as you actively look for the next bad thing to happen. This barrage of dissatisfaction can quickly turn off others from wanting to spend time around you.  Is this any way to live?

While everyone complains at times, your goal is to do a check of how often a negative thought is spoken.  Ask yourself, before you speak, is what I’m about to say a complaint or a general statement?  Will it make others cringe or give them pause to ponder it thoughtfully? 

To pull in the reigns on the complaint department, follow these 6 steps to begin listening to yourself - do you want to sound more disagreeable and objectionable or would you rather sound more pleasing and complimentary?  You choose:

1.  Cherish a positive attitude

Life gets messy – all of us can agree on this.  It’s easy to automatically start complaining about a situation you have little to no control over.  But look at the big picture. Ask yourself will this really matter to you in five minutes, five months or five years? Try cultivating a positive spin on how you perceive the problem. Learn to accept the situation for what it is. In just about every bad situation, there is a silver lining – look for the silver lining and move forward.

2. Look inward

Whenever you find yourself complaining, stop and ask, “What is the real issue?  Is it a small thing bugging you or a larger issue in your life needing to be addressed?”  It helps to write down in a journal what you are complaining about. From there, figure out why it’s pushing your buttons and write out solutions on how to fix it.

3.  Remind yourself whenever you complain

Just like it helps to be mindful of food choices throughout the day, mindfulness can be very effective in reducing the frequency of complaining. One way to accomplish this is to wear a bracelet or rubber band on one wrist. Each time you hear yourself complain (involve others to point out to you when you do), switch it to the opposite wrist.  Set a goal to go for 10 days with your bracelet or rubber band on the same wrist. 

4.  Keep complaints off of social media

While social media does have good qualities such as reconnecting with old friends, there are plenty of not so good things about it.  One is those who like to air their complaints to the world via Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram.  There’s enough complaining and negativity already on these networks so one less additional complaint helps.

5.  Start and end with a positive note

Each of us will have complaints we want to discuss with others.  It could be about a personal, work-related or even a world-wide grievance you wish to talk about.  When you do, remember to start and end with a positive note. Otherwise, people will shut down and completely miss your message.  Say something such as, “I love when you get groceries. Next time, please let me know before you leave and I’ll send you my list. It’s so helpful when we work together.”   This message gets the point across but in a much more positive tone.

6.  Practice gratitude

Each day, remind yourself of one thing you are grateful for, no matter how small. Or every morning when you wake up, think of something or someone you are thankful or appreciative for. Negativity, when practiced too long, can quickly consume you becoming a bad habit. Keeping a gratitude journal and writing even just one sentence of what you are happy for, can begin to turn the tide.  The act of writing it down forces you to put thoughts on paper opening your eyes to how much you’ve been given and to cherish those gifts.