8 tips helping a loved one stay clean and sober 

Helping someone you love seek sobriety is never easy.  Discovering what works and what doesn’t often feels like a shot in the dark as families struggle to find a cure. Most of us assume that beating back substance abuse is best handled only through a detox and rehab facility. But ending sobriety is only the beginning. Maintaining sobriety is a lifelong process. Recovering from addiction takes commitment and determination.  Part of what helps is support from loved ones motivating them to continue living a substance-free life.

Family members play a pivotal role in helping a loved one with mental health and substance abuse on their road to recovery.  There are many tactics each member can do starting by learning about mental health disorders, addiction, and developing different strategies to support a loved one’s recovery.

1.  Encourage total abstinence from alcohol and other drugs

Having a mental health disorder makes a person highly sensitive to the effects of drugs and alcohol. The safest, most practical choice for people with substance abuse is to stay completely away from alcohol and drugs.  Your part is to let them know that abstinence is key to recovery.  Help them avoid exposure to others’ alcohol and drug use, including staying away from social situations where substance use is common including avoiding use with the family. Help your loved one find and participate in sober recreational activities and have a social network of friends who support abstinence.

2.  Help them develop good coping skills

A part of life everyone experiences is stress. For those who struggle with substance abuse, stress is often a trigger for seeking out alcohol or drugs to cope. Rather than trying to avoid all stress which is impossible, it is wiser for them to develop strategies for managing it.  You can help a loved one cope with stress and avoid stress-induced relapses by being there to listen, talk, and help them process stressful experiences. When distressing symptoms or cravings occur for the substance they were abusing, remind your loved one of coping strategies to use dealing with stressful times.

3.  Reduce family friction and provide social support

Conflict within a family is unpleasant for everyone but especially so for those with substance abuse issues. Stress within a family can contribute to relapses making it difficult to get completely sober.  You can reduce tension and be supportive by developing communication skills that minimize tension and maximize constructive support. Being flexible and resourceful when problems arise is also very helpful as is reminding your loved one how much you care. Try to spend quality time that focuses on positive aspects that is rewarding not only for your loved one but also for everyone.

4.  Encourage participation in peer support groups

Thousands of people who have abused alcohol and/or drugs have greatly benefitted from peer support organization such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) or Narcotics Anonymous (NA).  Encourage a loved one to get involved in a peer support group.  You can show support for this by helping them find a support group, attend meetings with them and adjust your family schedule to support regular participation in these meetings.

5.  Help your loved one find friends who are clean and sober

To be successful at recovery from addiction often requires major lifestyle changes for your loved one, including sometimes finding new friends.  To achieve and maintain abstinence means less time spent with people who use alcohol and drugs and more time with people who support sobriety. You can help your loved one achieve this goal by encouraging them to connect with sober friends by asking and discussing ways to meet these potential new friends.

6. Know the signs of relapse

Unfortunately, relapse can and does happen.  Knowing the early warning signs makes it easier to have a plan for addressing them if they appear. Every person is unique and signs of relapse in one person may differ from signs of relapse in another. You can help prevent relapse or minimize their severity by knowing your loved one’s early warning signs of relapse by monitoring their emotions, noticing any changes. Have a plan as a family on how to respond to the signs of possible relapse and know who to contact, such as mental health providers, in case it does occur and for making a relapse prevention plan. 

7.  Support your loved one’s involvement in meaningful, structured activities

All of us need a sense of purpose in life.  However, addiction often negates that sense of purpose which can be one reason why they developed their addiction.  You can support your loved one by helping them find activities that have meaning and joy to them.  Find out what they want to pursue by their involvement in work, school or other personal goals they may have.

8.  Let them know that change is possible by keeping hope alive

One of the most important roles family members have in helping a loved one stay sober is to keep hope alive by emphasizing change is possible. All of us are capable of living a worthwhile, stimulating, and rewarding life.   When family members remind their loved one that they believe they have the capacity to get better and create a bright future ahead, this kind of hope is powerful medicine. This can be the spark that fuels the person’s efforts and determination to take control of their life and enjoy what it has to offer.